Over the last few weeks, I have been longing for “normalcy,” for the daily routine to return to normal and to have a new found sense of direction from God.  My hearts desire is to serve Him in ways that fit the unique gifts He has given me and right now I feel like obstacles keep getting in the way.  

Have you experienced this in your life?  I am positive I am not the only one who is facing obstacles in God’s calling or in the desire to serve Him wholeheartedly. 

For me, when the obstacles arise, I sometimes try to fill the spaces of my day and avoid addressing the obstacles.  I choose to ignore them instead of turning to God with my questions, which is really counterintuitive.  All I really want is some answers to why there is another obstacle and I just want to shout my frustrations to God. 

Over the last few weeks, God has been teaching me the necessity to fill those spaces with Him to arrive at the peace and strength necessary to “tackle” the obstacles in my path.  For me, the current obstacle is another health issue.  Another surprise in my unique genetic makeup, has me scheduled for yet another surgery in what we had hoped to be a medical free 2017.  

So I approached the challenge with my usual initial avoidance of God.  I focused on the “to do’s” of scheduling appointments, resting, and basically skirting the issue with God.  All that did was build my frustration and anger with God until He finally reminded me of Psalm 139 and of His love for me.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Ps 139:13-16)

The God of the universe knit me together, genetic faults and all, so this is not a surprise to Him and He will use this obstacle for His glory.  After God reminded me of His love and faithfulness, I relented and took my frustration to Him. I voiced my anger with the “why’s” in my heart laid bare before my Lord and Savior.  In that moment, in my raw honesty with God, that is when I felt the burden lift, the peace restored, and the tiny spaces in my being be filled anew with the presence of God. 

God can handle our questions and He certainly can handle our frustration.   I am certain, based on the peace I felt, He is eagerly awaiting each of us to come to Him in raw honestly with what is on our hearts.  We can’t hide those thoughts from God, even though we think we can, and this Psalm reminds us that He knows our thoughts and that we can’t hide from Him when the going gets tough. 

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  (Ps 139:7) 

God is intimately involved in our lives whether we recognize it our not.  He is showing me in the most amazing ways how much He cares for me during this current obstacle in my life.  I see His involvement in my life through the prayers of friends, in the songs on the radio, in His beautiful words in scripture, and in the glory of the moon rising in the evening.  He is my life line and good shepherd as He leads us through this challenge.  

Take a moment to take stock of your heart, is there anything you need to lay bare before God today?

God reminded me of a song yesterday that has been incredibly helpful in keeping my eyes fixed upon Him.  “King Of My Heart” sung by Sara McMillan.  This song is a wonderful reminder of keeping God as the king in our hearts. He is the fountain of life, my rock and shelter in the storm.  He is good and I will continue to put my faith and trust in Him alone. 

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4 thoughts on “Longing”

  1. God has given you a gift to write so beautifully and God be with you today. Gary and I have know you since you were born and love you so much. We pray with you and for you for a very positive day

  2. So very heartfelt and real. Thanks Julie for sharing your inner soul with us. It is such a reminder for all to go there with you. Praying for your physical health too! Love.

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