The Sustaining Power of Jesus

by on June 15, 2020

Words and thoughts fill my mind, stacking up like a deck of cards. So many words, so many thoughts over the last few days I feel as if I can’t sort them out. Like a clog in a drain, the clog needs to be released to let the words flow freely from my heart.

My heart is full, filled with the love of Christ, brimming over like river flowing over its banks in a flood. My heart alive with the prospects of new beginnings, new normals, a newness like I haven’t known in quite some time.

Joy fills my soul. This joy has been present in a way I am only able to understand through the lens of the love of Christ. He has done more than I can put into words to fill me with joy and sustain me over the bleak days and the good days, the days of cancer and healing, surgeries, and disappointments, set backs and a pandemic. This joy, this feeling is more than happiness, it is deep inside my soul. This joy sustains, fills my every crevice and is even present in the sadness, and there has been grieving. But I am still standing because of the grace of God. He has done a work in me through the difficulties over the last 3 years and He has opened my eyes to parts of me I have left buried and hidden. He has drawn me out, changed me, transformed my heart and given me a hope for a future that is in His hands alone.

A little over 3 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer that resulted in a removal of my one and only kidney, leaving me on dialysis with a wait for a transplant.  I have been waiting two and a half years. There have been struggles, I haven’t felt well, I’ve been tired, depleted is the word I would best use to describe how I felt the majority of the time. At one point I used the word damaged to describe how I felt. A lack of wholeness, a physical part of me missing. That word damaged has a whole lot of implications but for me it opened the door to do some healing in my heart and to help me redefine what wholeness truly looks like.

I’ve found a spiritual wholeness through Jesus. A peace and rest that comes from knowing Jesus and being known by Jesus. Vulnerability, honesty, and allowing Jesus in to help me become a better me. The me He designed me to be. I’ve also come to the realization of this: The story of my life is known fully by God, created by God and designed specifically by God for me. In that, there is peace. 

As I reflect on the road I have traveled and on the sustaining presence of God, I am in awe! He has traveled with me through the highs and lows, gently providing for me through the exhaustion, encouraging me through the disappointments, and going not only before me to make a way for a transplant, but walking alongside me every strep of the way. I have felt His presence, seen His hand at work, heard Him speak specifically and directly to me. His Word has been the light, the steady force, the constant through it all.

“Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)  

Though I have been weary and burdened by my health, there has been peace and rest. I continue to approach His throne of grace and boldly ask for peace and a time of both physical and spiritual rest. And God has not disappointed. I have felt this deep sense of peace that is so deep in my soul it is hard to explain, to actually put into words. There has been no fear, no real worries, very little anxiety simply peace. It truly is peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)  He has and will continue to sustain. 

My love for Jesus has grown deeper, more constant, more personal. If not for my illness I do not think I would have this heart full of love for Christ nor the awareness of all He has done for me. He sacrificed his life for me. This is real. I now have an even greater appreciation as I watch my donor Kristina, sacrifice for me, so I can live a more normal life. 

One big realization through it all…Sitting in your pain and processing it is necessary to be able to embrace the Lord and His presence. We must walk through the pain in true vulnerability to allow God to transform and do true work in our hearts. I thank you Jesus for loving me and sustaining me through it all.

As we wait for transplant on Tuesday morning (tomorrow), there are challenges. Kristina’s daughter is sick and she needed to run home after traveling all the way to Madison for a Covid test, only to need to return again in time for surgery tomorrow. So we pray. Please pray for her daughter Bexly and for doctors to determine what is causing her to not keep anything down. God is faithful and will see us through this as well.

Enjoy this song that has really filled my soul:


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Hi Julie, I just received this post and I am so thankful and in awe of what our God has done for you these past 3 years. God is so good! Thank you s successful surgery Lord. For Kristina’s gift to Julie. For Your gift of life to them both. Bless them both for lasting healing and the joy and peace only You can give.thank you Julie for again opening your heart to us. Prayers for a quick recovery. In Him. ❤️

Praying for you, Kristina, & Bexly. Prayers for all involved in the transplant. Praying for a successful transplant. Prayers for healing and no complications.

I’m not a particularly prayerful person, but for you (and all others part of your transplant) I will gladly pray and hope God is beside you. I hope you have gentle healing and rest.

Hi Julie.
Your words are a great inspiration and so meaningfully written. I will pray for you, Kristina and her daughter as well as all involved in the surgery today.
God’s blessing to you, Jeri

Loved hearing your heart and what your heart now holds as Jesus has held you and carried you. Praying for all the details! Gods got this Julie! Rest

Immediately this came to mind …..
““I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You.”
‭‭Job‬ ‭42:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
He knew God in many different ways but thru hiS circumstances he saw God in ways that would have never been possible without going thru his own situation. Jobs relationship with The Creator Of ALL Things ….. GOD. Became real , personal , closer than it was prior
New wine came out of the soil and wine press of Jobs life
I pray new wine “ fruit “ comes out of you Julie from what you have went thru
Praying Gods vision and wisdom for the surgery

Love
Chuck

so powerful and beautifully written, as always! lifting up Kristina, her daughter, the surgeon and you for tomorrow!

Still praying for you! What a journey you’ve been on, and Christ’s light has truly shine through you the whole way. Cant wait for the results of you miracle tomorrow! Godspeed, friend!

Still praying for full restoration for you. Such a journey you’ve been on. The light of Christ truly shines through you. Cant wait to hear the results of tomorrow’s miracle! Godspeed friend!

Julie, I will continue to pray you daily. I pray His peace is very real to you and Kristina and her family.
Kathy

Julie,
My beautiful friend! Please know that my prayers are with you, your family and Kristina and her family! May you continue to abide in His perfect peace, His unfailing love and the power of His presence. Our God is a healer, He is a provider, a sustainer and a Restorer!! What a blessing to be able to encounter all these aspects of His divine nature ❤️ I’m shouting hallelujah as He has won the victory for you my friend!! Love and blessings!! Thank you for sharing your testimony, the best is yet to come ❤️

Julie, you have been in my thoughts and prayers throughout this long ordeal and will continue to be. As will your donor, Kristina, and now her daughter, Bexly. You have been such an inspiration in this battle. Sending you love and hugs as you continue your journey…..

Thanks for sharing my friend!
I’m still praying for you and your family in all of this. We have a Great Hope and his name is Jesus.
I will pray for Kristina and her family especially her daughter.
God’s got this!
Amen!

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